Thinking, thinking, thinking...

Jesus, I long for thee,
And sigh for Canaan's shore,
Thy lovely face to see,
And all my warfare o'er;
Here billows break upon my breast
And brooding sorrows steal my rest.

I pant, I groan, I grieve
For my untoward heart;
How full of doubts I live,
Though full of grace thou art!
What poor returns, I make to thee
For all the mercy shown to me!

And must I ever smart,
A child of sorrows here?
Yet, Lord be near my heart,
To soothe each rising tear;
Then at thy bleeding cross I'll stay,
And sweetly weep my life away.



-John Berridge




Sometimes God's grace looks like me flat on my face.
It isn't plastic smiles. It isn't comfortable, cookie-cutter, American bullshit.
It's messy. It hurts. It's perpetual.
Being transformed, remade into God' image isn't like putting fancy ornaments on a Christmas tree. It's killing the tree by chopping it down, digging up the dead roots, and burning the whole tree by fire.
The Gospel is good news.
Jesus wins.
God plants new trees with imperishable seeds.
He is making me fit for heaven, my true home.
I am so polluted. I desperately need God's grace,
even though I run from Him. Like a shepherd who chases down his wandering, stupid sheep. When the shepherd finds him he, oftentimes, breaks the sheep's leg to prevent him from running any further. In the same way, God graciously wrestles me to the ground and breaks into my life. He uproots and shatters all of my false presumptions about Him, myself, and the world. "By Gods blessing my old foundation was broken up, and I saw that my righteousness would not save me."

The Lord is my Shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and your staff they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.